Flying

Am I flying yet?
Do I even know what I mean
when I say “flying”?
Am I still so engulfed in the fall
that I cannot even find
my wings?

I can succeed
I know I can.
But I can’t even figure out
what I am trying to succeed at.
I know I don’t want to be afraid
forever
But what do I want after that?
Love?
I want that..who doesn’t?
But can someone as fucked up as me
ever be loved?

A girl who can barely exist alone
for a whole 5 minutes
without losing my mind.
But can’t stand any guy to be near me
for anything more than simple company.

If I can’t find anyone I can tolerate
that likes me too
& the ones that adore me
I could care less for you.
What options are left?

The only one I ever felt
completely myself with,
completely happy with,
Who found me to be smart
& beautiful..
he is too preoccupied
learning to fly on his own
to notice I am still falling.

How can someone who is
1000 miles away
still hold my heart.
How do you move on from that?
How do you enjoy the company of another
when you simply don’t want to?

When you find yourself
preferring to suffer forever
than ever have to forget,
or never get to experience again,
the way he made you feel.

-k.d.
8-25-15