Death Angel

She is fire, she is burning
She is hotter than any coal
She will hurt you, she is pain
She is the one to save your soul

To be herself, would be a miracle
They all see her in such extremes
“sweet, innocent girl” or
“slutty, lying schemes”

She truly follows neither defining
Though to others, she is easily named
To those who are ingenuous
She is small, feeble-minded

Little do their insignificant minds know
She understands more than them all
She can calculate one’s moon rising
She can calculate their sun’s fall

She can see through the unfathomable
She can comprehend the truth in each lie
She cannot be fooled by ambiguity
She knows every time you defy.

The thought of her my frighten you
Oh, but the sight of her will not
For she looks as a blue eyed angel
But inside she is sin, burning hot

Her soul was sold to the devil
She will never get it back
But until her day is done
She will get revenge, payback.

She will let the devil have her soul
But not the innocents awaiting
She will save them all before she goes
No matter what, they will be acquitted

See for her, her soul is gone
She gave her life for another
One that deserved it more
One who could go much further

It seems they both survived, on Earth at least
So now the ending awaits
For her, she is ready for the end
To walk through Hell’s fiery gates

And the soul the she has saved
Oh, how it has been taken for granted
For as she lives in pain and grief
The one saved became canted

There is nothing more for her to do
Than help those in the time she has left
But the more she tries & the more she fails
The more she feels inept.

One day she will lift away
She will take one last flight
Up into the sky, never to be seen again
Gone forever with a bundle of dynamite.

Ready for her time to shine
On her stairway to heaven that she deserves
Past the sun that burns deep and far
This joke is unreal, she is going to die

It is true that she will shine
Though it will be in reflectance of Hadez’ fires,
Yet she knows in her finality, that endings
Are always more important than beginnings

-k.d. 
3-22-2016
(Drawing by Zach Duffey)

 

 

Drowned

She is drowning again, in darkness it seems
Each drop of firewater, a nightmare, a bad dream.
They started falling one by one, she barely even noticed
But eventually she realized, she was beginning to lose balance.

Each drop stung a little more than the last
And then burning at her feet as they puddled up fast.
Her toes tingled, they burned, as horrors swam through her mind
All the sorrow she pushed away it was here and up it climbed.

They began at the bottom, slowly rising to the top
As they engulfed her, not breathing, she almost stopped.
Stopped trying to fight away the pain & fear she felt
Because the more she fought, the more she found it compelled.

For her to not be afraid is a difficult task,
But pretending to not be afraid, well that is the easy way out.
It’s frightening to realize that these nightmares are no longer just fiction
But are swallowing her whole, even when her eyes are open.

One day she will learn to awake and spit it out,
To no longer let the demons drown her & fill her with doubt.
But for now if she can just face these fears, not fight or pretend,
Maybe she will come out a stronger soul who is awake & on dry land.

-k.d.
12-7-2015

Fire

She didn’t want the darkness
To return
But it is inevitable,
The light doesn’t burn

She thought she was whole
She forgot the curse
It seems her situation
Is now in reverse

He wanted to love her
But she was so cold
She tried to be warmer
For him to hold

They say there must be a darkness
To see the light
But there is no spark in her
Though she tried so hard to fight

She wanted to be bright
But she is only gray
She is only the night
She can never be day

She loved him too much
He loved her, not enough
She tried to accept that
For her it is too tough

She cannot settle for average
It must be great or horrific
Her life must be perfect
Or end, she must be dramatic

Why must she believe
That she is wrong
Maybe it is him
Maybe she is just strong

Maybe he should love her
The way she deserves
Maybe it is his fault
She is not so absurd

She should stop playing into
What he tells her she is
Because she is not crazy
She just wanted to be his

With him she felt brighter
If only for a moment
She just wants to matter
He isn’t so God sent

Her light is now dim
Her eyes will now close
There is no more light
Her heart now exposed

It is torn, it is scarred
It is bruised, it is blue
It cannot withstand another
They stuck like tattoos

There is no more room
It is covered, it is turning black
Her heart no longer beating
It has begun to crack

Somethings cannot be fixed
She thought she was an exception
But she is broken completely
He was another infection

It wasn’t intentional
What he did to her soul
But he cast it away
He didn’t want her to hold

If he had only known
She was not his desire
She may have survived
This hell unleashed fire

-k.d.
10-3-2015 

Worth

She is worth it, she knows
This has to be true
But at night, when she is alone,
Who is she to argue?

If she was worth it, he would be there
She would never be alone.
There must be something wrong with her,
How can she be unknown?

Misunderstood by so many
That no one wants to hold.
How can she stand out, be significant,
When she is only seen as a clone

The same as every other girl
who wants someone forever
But she is different, she is deep
She is nothing like a feather

Not light, not shallow, not like
The rest of the world
She has been to hell and back
And is even stronger, she is bold.

Not pink, not yellow,
She is brighter than the rest.
She is red, she is neon
She has to be the best.

She succeeds at everthing she does
And she always has
But love, it is gibberish to her
No one wants to take the task

Of a girl who was beaten and bruised
But made it back alive,
‘They have to be intimidated’ She thinks,
‘Because why else would they all hide?’

She was tortured, mistreated
Physically and emotionally abused
But all they see is her innocent face
No, they are not amused.

But who she is, is strong and great
She has withstood the worst storm
It isn’t her fault that they can’t see
Her strength or appreciate.

She is worth it, she knows
But it doesn’t help her heart
Repair itself along the way
She has begun to fall apart

Not by what has happened
But by the world’s never ending scorn
That she is just like everyone else
Who survived a tiny storm.

Floating

She isn’t flying yet
But at least she is floating.
Falling was a scary trip
She felt she was the only

The only one who endured
The sting of hail
That was rocketing
Directly at her heart

But it turns out
Others are bruised too
Damaged by the frozen rain
That never seemed to give way
But now she can finally see
There is a rainbow in the day

The colors are endless
It is no longer just black & blue
She can see waves of green & red, too
Hopeful, she is becoming,
It is possible you see
For someone in a thunderstorm
To not only desire, but to receive

Everything she hopes for
Is covering the sky
Though, far away
If she has the ability
To come this far
The horizon can show her to grace.

No longer alone in the darkness
There is a hand that clasps her own
& it is guiding her to colors
That can bring her to the unknown

Strange, it is to her,
Because so long she has been in agony
But he has shown her that the world
Is no longer her enemy

Together, this place, it can be
Bearable, even one to take pleasure in.
Mankind hasn’t been lost, he says
& she decides to believe
In fairy tales & happily-ever-afters
She can be the one in the castle
& he can be the one on the stallion

She can’t seem to be in the real world
It’s all darkness or all light
All pain or all fantasy
How do you teach her to exist
To be like everyone else
When all she has ever known
Is hurt & heartache
Storms & lightening,
floods & dark waves.

She has read the fairy tales,
The fictions & the love stories
So just let her believe in them
She just needs comforting.

Even if you aren’t a prince,
Just a boy in a suit
Show her the possibilities
That she thought to be untrue.

She is forgetting about the storms
Or possibly she is just numb
But now all she can see is you
It may still be pouring
But at least she sees more
Than black and blue.

She is floating.

-k.d.
9-2-15

The Storm

There’s a storm that blows inside her
A tornado, a hurricane, a monsoon.
She feels it, every single gust, every drop of rain
It hurts constantly, this endless downpour of pain.

She tries to take shelter
She only wants some peace
But the storm will not subside
It will always find her
Nothing can protect her from this beast.

She knows that surely
The sun will rise again.
But someone must save her
From the hell that lies within.

If only she could find a guardian
A safe haven, a dry place.
Maybe she could feel warmth again
In the arms of love’s embrace.

In repose, her storm, it may finally calm
She could feel the beams of sunlight
As they brush her from the dawn.

And at dusk she would not fear the night
All day she had felt peace
And she could know it was possible:
The warmth, the calm, the ease.

The storm, though it may come again
She would not be afraid
For now, she knows that it is possible
For the clarity to begin.

-k.d.
8-31-15