Death Angel

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She is fire, she is burning
She is hotter than any coal
She will hurt you, she is pain
She is the one to save your soul

To be herself, would be a miracle
They all see her in such extremes
“sweet, innocent girl” or
“slutty, lying schemes”

She truly follows neither defining
Though to others, she is easily named
To those who are ingenuous
She is small, feeble-minded

Little do their insignificant minds know
She understands more than them all
She can calculate one’s moon rising
She can calculate their sun’s fall

She can see through the unfathomable
She can comprehend the truth in each lie
She cannot be fooled by ambiguity
She knows every time you defy.

The thought of her my frighten you
Oh, but the sight of her will not
For she looks as a blue eyed angel
But inside she is sin, burning hot

Her soul was sold to the devil
She will never get it back
But until her day is done
She will get revenge, payback.

She will let the devil have her soul
But not the innocents awaiting
She will save them all before she goes
No matter what, they will be acquitted

See for her, her soul is gone
She gave her life for another
One that deserved it more
One who could go much further

It seems they both survived, on Earth at least
So now the ending awaits
For her, she is ready for the end
To walk through Hell’s fiery gates

And the soul the she has saved
Oh, how it has been taken for granted
For as she lives in pain and grief
The one saved became canted

There is nothing more for her to do
Than help those in the time she has left
But the more she tries & the more she fails
The more she feels inept.

One day she will lift away
She will take one last flight
Up into the sky, never to be seen again
Gone forever with a bundle of dynamite.

Ready for her time to shine
On her stairway to heaven that she deserves
Past the sun that burns deep and far
This joke is unreal, she is going to die

It is true that she will shine
Though it will be in reflectance of Hadez’ fires,
Yet she knows in her finality, that endings
Are always more important than beginnings

-k.d. 
3-22-2016
(Drawing by Zach Duffey)

 

 

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Floating

the daisy

She isn’t flying yet
But at least she is floating.
Falling was a scary trip
She felt she was the only

The only one who endured
The sting of hail
That was rocketing
Directly at her heart

But it turns out
Others are bruised too
Damaged by the frozen rain
That never seemed to give way
But now she can finally see
There is a rainbow in the day

The colors are endless
It is no longer just black & blue
She can see waves of green & red, too
Hopeful, she is becoming,
It is possible you see
For someone in a thunderstorm
To not only desire, but to receive

Everything she hopes for
Is covering the sky
Though, far away
If she has the ability
To come this far
The horizon can show her to grace.

No longer alone in the darkness
There is a hand that clasps her own
& it is guiding her to colors
That can bring her to the unknown

Strange, it is to her,
Because so long she has been in agony
But he has shown her that the world
Is no longer her enemy

Together, this place, it can be
Bearable, even one to take pleasure in.
Mankind hasn’t been lost, he says
& she decides to believe
In fairy tales & happily-ever-afters
She can be the one in the castle
& he can be the one on the stallion

She can’t seem to be in the real world
It’s all darkness or all light
All pain or all fantasy
How do you teach her to exist
To be like everyone else
When all she has ever known
Is hurt & heartache
Storms & lightening,
floods & dark waves.

She has read the fairy tales,
The fictions & the love stories
So just let her believe in them
She just needs comforting.

Even if you aren’t a prince,
Just a boy in a suit
Show her the possibilities
That she thought to be untrue.

She is forgetting about the storms
Or possibly she is just numb
But now all she can see is you
It may still be pouring
But at least she sees more
Than black and blue.

She is floating.

-k.d.
9-2-15

Flying

Am I flying yet?
Do I even know what I mean
when I say “flying”?
Am I still so engulfed in the fall
that I cannot even find
my wings?

I can succeed
I know I can.
But I can’t even figure out
what I am trying to succeed at.
I know I don’t want to be afraid
forever
But what do I want after that?
Love?
I want that..who doesn’t?
But can someone as fucked up as me
ever be loved?

A girl who can barely exist alone
for a whole 5 minutes
without losing my mind.
But can’t stand any guy to be near me
for anything more than simple company.

If I can’t find anyone I can tolerate
that likes me too
& the ones that adore me
I could care less for you.
What options are left?

The only one I ever felt
completely myself with,
completely happy with,
Who found me to be smart
& beautiful..
he is too preoccupied
learning to fly on his own
to notice I am still falling.

How can someone who is
1000 miles away
still hold my heart.
How do you move on from that?
How do you enjoy the company of another
when you simply don’t want to?

When you find yourself
preferring to suffer forever
than ever have to forget,
or never get to experience again,
the way he made you feel.

-k.d.
8-25-15

Waiting

daisy
They are all waiting
Waiting for me to self detruct
I will never give them the satisfaction
Succeed, I must
I am alone in the darkness
It can be quite gloomy here
But I will never let them see
To them
I will only shine the brightest
I will keep it together
Every single piece
But when I finally find my safe haven
I will surely collapse
I need to crumble
so I can pick up all the contents
& make them into a person again
Until then, I never have time
I make bad choices
Find myself hurting & full of sin
My biggest hope is that
In the end
The darkness will not win

-k.d.

Falling

It’s so easy.

Falling.

Falling into the wrong choices
Falling into the wrong friendships
Falling into the wrong relationships
Falling into the wrong routine
Falling into the belief that it’ll get better
“In time”

It’s also easy to fall for the good things

Falling in to an amazing book
Falling into the perfect song
Falling into a comfort zone
Falling into your family for support
Falling into a trusting, loyal friendship
Falling into yourself..

There’s also a seesaw effect in play in a few..

Falling into yourself (yes, again)
Falling into your social standing
Falling into your work
Falling in love (that’s a scary one)

Are these good things or bad?

Ya know, I find it funny…
We learn to walk and gauge perception of our surroundings
before we are even considered toddlers..

& yet still
at age 22
I still find myself falling
I will find I don’t know where I am going,
though I have the capability to acknowledge my surroundings.
I find myself unable to take the correct path,
though I can easily walk down it.

The question is

Why not?!

Though falling can be fun in its own essence,
knowing you can save yourself
from the outcome of that fall
is the most important part.

So you ask yourself:

“When will I open my wings & fly?
The choice is up to me
It always has been
So why haven’t I done it? ”

Maybe you aren’t done falling yet
Maybe your time to fly starts later
But for me
I am ready
& I will fly.

because

the only thing that holds any of us back
from what we really want is..

ourselves.

-k.d.