Secrets

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If they knew the truth
Would they stay
Would she be alone
Would they run away?

If he knew why
What would he think
Would he be my person
How far would she sink?

If he found out about her
Would he leave her alone
Break his vows about her
Like she was a loan?

The secrets she hides
Are for their wellbeing
If she told them
It would be her they’d be seeing

Not the person she made
Not the person she appears
Someone who they trust
Someone no one fears

– 1-12-16
k.d

She is scattered across the states
A little for each man she trusted
She never should have believed
Anyone who was so persistent

They fell for her, and she fell back
She smiled so widely, so bright
Her heart felt full, if only for a second
Then they left her broken, cold at night.

Most are caught up on one heart break
She is hurting from too many to count
They all took something from her
Each leaving a scar, unashamed no doubt.

Each man took a different part of her
Pieces they will never return
How could she ever be whole again
When so much is gone, burned.

One took her belief in fairy tales
Another, her love for laughter
One took away all trust she held
Left her crying alone, soon after.

One made her feel comfortable
Now, relax.. She couldn’t dare
One made her feel she could sleep tight
Now her rest is full of the nightmare

She doesn’t believe it is all their fault
She is the common denominator
But why her? Why keep taking pieces?
No one deserves that, it hurts her

It seems now there are no pieces left
She is empty with nothing to give
Each of the men walks with a part of her
Now she is destined alone to live.

-k.d.
12-13-15

Bookcase

books

She has a bookcase
Labeled “The Heartbreaks”
One shelf wasn’t enough
She wishes it was, for her sake

There are four different shelves
One for each genre of the hurt
Each in order of intensity
From sadness to anger to absurd

One shelf is for small aches
The quick ones that didn’t sting
Not as bad as the rest
They didn’t really mean a thing

One is for the long loves
The ones she always regrets
One is for the men who hurt her
But didn’t care or even fret

One is for the hurt she solely caused
Those were so unfair
She hates how horrible she was
Leaving both parties in despair

Most of the books are unfinished
She will never open their covers again
Some have empty pages near the back
Those she knows may never end

The ones without endings
Are because she hopes one day to fill
The story with happiness
Love that could finally conceal

What she really wants
Is just one more book
To place on different bookcase
In a special little nook

That begins with happy
And tells of true fate
All it entails is love
How life can be great

A book so wonderful that
It will begin a series
All of the volumes holding tales
Of adventures they’d experience.

Each book would tell a tale
Of their wonderful days
Of they fun they’d have together
And their love that would never fade

You could see, taste and smell their love
In each page as it turned
And each volume it got deeper
Their fate, always confirmed

And now she loves this bookcase
The other one has cobwebs
Her new one she has painted
With daisies and sunflower fields

Today she took a sledgehammer
She broke “The Heartbreaks” to pieces
All she needs or wants for
Is on the colorful flower bookcase

-k.d.
10/28/2015

Reader

book

When the wind is blowing
And she feels alone
There is only one way
She can be whole

She puts it in her hands
She touches the cover
She smells the pages
She inhales the undiscovered

The ink holds a story
Deep inside its folds
Her mind will open up
And new stories it can hold

Of lovers, of demons,
Of worlds far away
Of wars, of tragedy
Of unexpected fate

She wraps herself in the tale
These stories she will not forget
For they are now a part of her
Not a one does she regret

They all have a special place
In her heart and in her mind
They help her make decisions
She remembers each time

The horror story reminds her
Of the bad in the world
And how she can make it through
No matter how she has crumpled

The romance tale encourages her
To not be so afraid
Because even the outcasts
Have found love one day

And the futuristic tales are the best
She realizes she is not alone
With a mind that wanders past now
And craves for the unknown

For this world here
It is not what makes her, herself
It is the fictional stories
That sit on her bookshelf

-k.d.
10-22-2015

Unrhymed

I don’t just want to hear
About the wonderful things
Happening in your life
I want to be one of them

I don’t want to be the seer with a crystal ball
Watching all of your happiness come to you
I want to be in the beautiful vision with you
Dancing in the sun and being a part of your joy

I feel so left out, though I am happy for you
Jealousy is eating me alive
All I want is to be one of the things
That makes you smile like that

I know I make you happy
But it’s not the same
I can’t make you as happy
As your greatest successes

Because to you, I am not a success
I am just another asset,
Another claim
To build your ego

I will not be your pride booster
I will not be your cheerleader
I am your greatest win
Or I will be your greatest loss

The choice will only be yours
For a small window of time
Until it is taken from you
And I will be gone

Leaving nothing but a memory
Maybe even a scar
But I will not return again
You can dance in the dark.

-k.d.
10.2.15

Floating

the daisy

She isn’t flying yet
But at least she is floating.
Falling was a scary trip
She felt she was the only

The only one who endured
The sting of hail
That was rocketing
Directly at her heart

But it turns out
Others are bruised too
Damaged by the frozen rain
That never seemed to give way
But now she can finally see
There is a rainbow in the day

The colors are endless
It is no longer just black & blue
She can see waves of green & red, too
Hopeful, she is becoming,
It is possible you see
For someone in a thunderstorm
To not only desire, but to receive

Everything she hopes for
Is covering the sky
Though, far away
If she has the ability
To come this far
The horizon can show her to grace.

No longer alone in the darkness
There is a hand that clasps her own
& it is guiding her to colors
That can bring her to the unknown

Strange, it is to her,
Because so long she has been in agony
But he has shown her that the world
Is no longer her enemy

Together, this place, it can be
Bearable, even one to take pleasure in.
Mankind hasn’t been lost, he says
& she decides to believe
In fairy tales & happily-ever-afters
She can be the one in the castle
& he can be the one on the stallion

She can’t seem to be in the real world
It’s all darkness or all light
All pain or all fantasy
How do you teach her to exist
To be like everyone else
When all she has ever known
Is hurt & heartache
Storms & lightening,
floods & dark waves.

She has read the fairy tales,
The fictions & the love stories
So just let her believe in them
She just needs comforting.

Even if you aren’t a prince,
Just a boy in a suit
Show her the possibilities
That she thought to be untrue.

She is forgetting about the storms
Or possibly she is just numb
But now all she can see is you
It may still be pouring
But at least she sees more
Than black and blue.

She is floating.

-k.d.
9-2-15